you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
