new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.