she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
As shirtless as possible
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
