I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
