mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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