yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
