Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
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