Don't you send me to vm
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
