you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
