I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
