So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
