Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I booty called her while she was in labor.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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