she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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