i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
