i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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