i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
