Moan for me like Helen Keller
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
