i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize
