No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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