Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
