I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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