How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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