Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
