Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.