i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
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