I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.