so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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