i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
