Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
