let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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