I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
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