You're my little dorito
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
