we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Just cropdusted the office
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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