there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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