I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
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So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
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Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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