I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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