I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
