An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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