So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
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