he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
It's never too late to be topless.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
