Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
