i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
