i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Boobs speak an international language.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize