Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
i need some magic done to my vagina
I love you. Go after that dick
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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