just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
