that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
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