Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
