apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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