They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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