If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
