it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
