Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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