I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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