I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
