My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Randomize
