Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
