I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
