We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
where am i from again
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Randomize
