So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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