I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
