She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize