I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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