I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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