We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
