he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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