every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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