South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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