im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
