And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
