Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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