So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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