'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Randomize
