he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
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