i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
