I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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