I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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