Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Randomize
