Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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