you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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