babies were throwing up all over the place
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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