My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
