Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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